Updating Again . . .

Sorry to make everyone nervous out there. Yes, I am having a hard time right now, but I will get through it. I always do. I wrote the last post after a VERY rough night with Ben. He woke up at 1:30 AM and did not fall back to sleep at all. So I was up all night too. This has become increasingly and disturbingly common for him to do. The melatonin seems to be ineffective after a certain point. I asked his doctor to prescribe something else to help him sleep and she gave us Clonidine. Still, Ben woke up at 3 am last night, but he did go back to sleep after about an hour. So I don't know if the Clonidine works either. Either way, I see this whole sleep issue as a serious regression as he hasn't generally needed anything to help him get to sleep most of the time and it's only been in the last few weeks that I've felt the need to give him something every night. He's been more hyper than usual, bordering on the extreme. The spitting has gotten very bad, unless I am actively having him do an activity. After his crazy night two days ago, I decided to give him a break from all supplements and vitamins in case some of them might be causing this change. With the exception of Fish oil and his Clonidine, he's taken nothing the past two days. Interestingly, his school has reported that he's had two great days with them, except for the spitting, of course. I'll keep him off of everything for at least a week and see how to proceed from there. Anyhow, I am still finding it hard to maintain any sort of optimism at this point. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up on him, but I don't know how much I can pull Ben out of autism and into normalcy at this point. This is far and away the hardest job I've ever had. And I don't think I'm particularly good at it. Being Ben's mom requires a skill set that I've never excelled at, as I am by nature a studious, self involved person and not generally very social myself. It takes every once of energy to invent ways to interact with Ben and discipline myself to achieve all the practice at various tasks that he needs to perform, even if they're as simple as playing with a toy the correct way. I do plan to get some help very soon, hopefully I'll be able to snag a college student into helping me by engaging Ben in the hours after the girls get home from school. Finding someone who will be able to keep Ben engaged and is willing to keep trying to play with him even when he's in a bad mood may be a difficult task in itself. All in all, I'll keep plugging away.

Having a Hard Time

I'm sorry I can't write more often, but I think for my own health, I cannot. I may have to stop this blog altogether. It is getting extremely hard for me to have any optimism towards Ben as he seems to be deteriorating almost daily. Am going to call the doctor today for some sleep meds for him and an appointment with the Army Developmental Pediatrician in Seattle as soon as possible.