awakenings

I am watching the movie Awakenings tonight on TV and I am reminded very much of Ben. How I wish that there was a miracle drug for him. I'm not asking for much of a miracle really. Just a little one. I know he'll probably never go to medical school, or even college. I know he'll most likely always have to live with me and Rob or in some kind of group home. I know he'll probably never be a conversationalist. He'll probably never be high functioning. I'll settle for merely functioning. I'd settle for him looking at books by himself the way he used to do when he was two. I'd settle for him actually wanting to draw a picture or do a puzzle or push a train around a train track. I'd settle for him actually wanting to play a game with his sisters. I'd settle for an "I love you Mom." I'd probably be over the moon if he ever said that! Still, I'd settle for "Want a cookie" or "More music please". I'd settle for being able to go out a family and not have to worry when and if he's going to have a tantrum. To be able to go to church together again. Still, I realize that there is no miracle. Not for Ben anyway. But I guess, in his point of view, he really doesn't need one. He's happy. He is who God made him to be. I'm the one who needs the attitude adjustment.